The envelope was glossy and black, the lettering done in raised gold script. “Damn,not another dumb ass wedding invite?” He tore it open with his teeth and frowned a bit, his own marriage had ended after six weeks when he walked in on her in bed with his friend.
“You have been chosen to attend a very exclusive event based on the information you provided on your profile at Looking for Love dot com. Enclosed is your first-class ticket along with a few packing prompts. The destination will be disclosed only upon arrival. We look forward to meeting you!”
J.D. figured he didn’t have much to lose and heck it would be a free weekend away, a change of scenery and who knows? Might be a lot of hopefully drunk little hotties there too!
Working as a grunt in the oil field paid well but there sure wasn’t much to do on the weekends in Bumbfuck, TX. Hell yeah he was in!
He didn’t own much in the fancy wardrobe department and was relived to read that “sporting casual” attire was suggested. He had a couple of decent shirts, a pair of jeans with not too many holes that fit his butt just fine, and a backpack leftover from his year at community college which was the only piece of luggage allowed.
It was cool to board the slick black jet the following Saturday morning and he’d surely never flown first class before so there was that. To his surprise there were only a few other passengers, guys who looked kind of like him and one incredibly gorgeous flight attendant who floated up and down the aisle on her high heels serving drinks and flashing her perfect smile.
This is going to be good he thought and settled back for what seemed to be a bit of a long haul. He dozed off listening to the extended version of “The End” by the Doors. “Gentleman we will be landing soon. Please be ready to deplane as we will be departing immediately. We hope your stay will be memorable.”
J.D. stepped onto the tarmac. He and the other passengers were quickly surrounded by several guys in camo carrying weapons. One guy held up his phone for a photo then thought better of it. “Sir, would you please get into the truck and make yourself comfortable? We’ll be escorting you to the event and due to some drug-related activity in the area, it’s necessary for us to be armed for your safety. Please don’t be concerned, we’ll have you there shortly” He patted him on the shoulder and handed him a cold beer.
Okay, that kind of made sense although he wasn’t too keen on the military presence.He hopped up into the truck and settled in next to another guy wearing those annoying mirrored sunglasses. “Hey Buddy, how’s it going? What the hell do you make of all this?” The guy stiffened a bit but nodded at him, “Well I don’t really know but if it gets me laid, it’s worth my time the way my luck with the ladies has been lately!” They both laughed and agreed that the number of crazy bitches out there was epic for sure and ain’t nobody got time for that!
They rolled along for several hours only stopping to pee or grab a beer from the cooler in back, making small talk and admiring the view from the window.
Things looked to be fairly tropical and he thought he could hear the sound of a waterfall not too far away. Maybe Costa Rica or Belize?
The truck finally slowed to a stop after moving down a grassy slope. There was a beautiful lake and oh yeah, waterfalls too! The light was filtered through the canopy of trees above, colorful birds circled around, and the lush setting was nothing short of perfect for a romantic encounter of any kind!
They got out and after stretching and fluffing a bit, the small group of men was ready for what was next. “Gentlemen, please stay together and stay clear of that large tree. Also the water is full of poisonous snakes so don’t be tempted to cool off. I think we’re ready now to introduce you to “The Ladies of the Lake!”
“I’m sure ready for a bikini contest and another beer” one guy laughed. “Hell I’m ready for a twerk-off and titty contest myself!” yelled another.
J.D. wasn’t too sure. Something felt a bit off and there was this smell…kind of like hamburger meat left out in the sun at a barbecue covered up by a lot of cheap perfume. He noticed movement near the cave to the left of the largest waterfall and what emerged made him pee right where he was standing.
No words could do justice to the creatures that gracefully walked if such a term was applicable out of that opening.They were huge for the most part although a couple did look smaller or younger or whatever. They were the color of skin repeatedly bruised by years of bar fights, with numerous orifices and openings. They had dangling bits and bumps along with lethal looking dagger-like growths. He thought he saw eyes because he could swear one winked at him. The smell was staggering. J.D. tried to absorb what he was seeing but it was damn hard!
“Gentleman the Ladies of the Lake have been dying to meet you.Your dating profiles suggested to us that no human female could ever meet your high standards but we find you to be the perfect matches for these beauties so let’s keep it simple boys! We were all standing right where you are today at one time. We are now their guardians and we take their needs very seriously.We always wear camo to show our respect for the solider who encountered our First Lady when he was sent to investigate a meteorite that had struck nearby. He learned to appreciate his circumstance and as you can see, their numbers have grown as we’ve followed his lead and we find them to be quite exceptional! Every five years, the Ladies expect a meet and greet such as this one for the purposes of feeding and…well…mating. We hand-select potentials based on what we’ve learned meets their requirements and bring them here for an introduction so here’s the scoop: you now have the option and may I say privilege of allowing one to select you to mate with her on her terms and then after she’s finished, you will join us in our mission or you have the option of becoming her necessary nourishment for the upcoming five years. I will note that they do tend to have some very particular eating habits and can be rather picky so that process could take weeks. Those are pretty much your choices and just so you know, there is no ammo in our weapons so you can rule that out. Either way you won’t be leaving.”
There was a lot of loud swearing, threatening, and name calling going on but it was as if time had stopped. It may have felt and looked like a movie set but they all knew it was for real at that point. J.D heard a loud splash behind him: apparently one of the guys panicked and figured he’d take his chances with the vipers but after a couple of minutes, the water was calm again.
The Ladies had moved in close and were now hunkered down as if to sniff. One made an eerie sound and closed her daggers around the neck of another guy who simply went limp as he passed out. “You’d best be making your choice now boys, they’re ready to party!” Another guy tried to run but was quickly impaled through the leg by one of the smaller creatures, obviously he would be the first hors d’oeuvre of the evening as she began to nibble.
It wasn’t rational and he didn’t have enough time to think it through with all the chaos around him but it was happening and fast! J.D. knew he needed to do something quick so he started taking off his shirt as he tried to resign himself, “Hell…I’ve probably had worse.” The thought of a slow and impossibly painful death became his second option as the Lady who had winked at him coming out of the cave positioned herself directly in front of him and slowly began swaying back and forth. He’d decided to do this thing and would live to join the others who had survived. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and waited for his nightmare love affair to begin.
I’m New York girl married to a Texas rancher, the oldest of eight kids in a crazy Irish-Catholic family. I’m fond of saying,”12 years of Catholic school made me what I am today” because it helps to justify my crazy. My life is big, messy, cool, and complicated. I’m a passionate traveler, craftsperson, can hold my own in the kitchen, lover of both classic rock and country music, Pilates devotee, and a voracious reader. Trying to write a bit myself these days because some who know better say I should. Speed as in driving fast used to be my “drug of choice” but now that I have six grandkids I tend to respect my own mortality more. I live in the middle of nowhere Texas in a 100 year old stone farmhouse on a rural ranch that was once the site of Indian battles. I’m surrounded by cattle, acres of dirt, and plenty of small town judgement so I prefer to spend my time in my studio creating or more recently writing. I don’t always see ghosts and some are here, but when I do I offer them a shot of Jameson and try to make friends while I listen to their stories. Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up but have always been involved in creative pursuits including coloring outside the lines. The way to my heart is with humor or by a good scare and I appreciate both!
I feel that I’m a the true definition of a Gemini.